Quick Breather!

Classes of the day are over! (thank goodness!) I had my presentation this morning on modernism...which was ehhhh. I didn't feel overly nervous, but my voice started getting awfully shaky, which in itself started making me feel nervous. I also successfully turned in my movie analysis! (unfortunately, I am feeling the affects of that analysis...I may or may not have been up till 3 to finish that...eek!...I'm hoping to not make a habit of that). Oh, and I got back my paper this morning....BOOM. 85! (In case you're thinking that doesn't sound great, I'm gonna need you to readjust your perspective, because I'm feeling like a gold medalist right now!) It's really odd, because my "Wake perspective" shouts "hey Rachel! that's not an A!" but there this absolute peace in feeling like I worked as hard as I could've on that paper, and met with our tutor to go over it (twice) and had it completed a week before it was due...Its kind of funny, when you feel like you've honestly put in your best effort, the grade doesn't matter so much. (Finance tried to teach me that...but this is reinforcement!)

On a not so happy note, I am absolutely fed up with my host siblings, and I really wish I was going away this weekend just to get away from them...Last night I walked in the door and walked into my room took of my coat and hung it on the coat hanger. I literally am standing in my room doing nothing for 10 seconds when my host siblings come in and say, "let's play" and I was like, "no I can't I have to prepare my presentation and finish my paper". They respond, "you're just standing here. Obviously you aren't doing anything, so we're playing" and I again was like "no. I have to work. please leave." Natalia plops her little butt down on my rug, "Raquel, we're not going to do anything" (implying that they aren't leaving). So I sit on my bed and pull out my work and completely ignore them. They get onto my bed and start jumping off, "please leave, I'm working" (I used what one of my friends here calls my "RA voice"...aka a serious and firm tone, which I reserve only for the situations which call for the voice). Let me make a side disclaimer at this point- I honestly don't have anything that's like private here that I would mind the kids seeing, but I do have things that are very special to me, so even though people can see them, it doesn't mean I would want them to like fool around with my stuff. So I keep things that my friends gave me and stuff and my little doodads to remind me of people from home in the desk drawer. So Natalia opens the drawer and pulls out this drawing that one of my friends had drawn for me before I left. Natalia asks me who drew it, and I was like, one of my friends from back home. I don't know why, but she was convinced I was lying, and started telling me I was a liar etc etc, and throwing names around. And then she crinkled the paper. I know I know- it's just a drawing; but that is one of my favorite things that I brought with me...not okay. I stood up opened the door and asked them to leave and stood at the door...Natalia pulled out a quote page and started ripping it. I raised my voice extremely high (this was a near yell at this point...) and said, "QUE HACES?!" that just means  'what are you doing' but it's in a scolding way. (this is one of those statements where it just basically says through intonation, 'who the heck do you think you are?' and also just potrays anger towards the individual) She started yelling at me that she can do whatever she wants; this is her room and her house and nothing is mine and I don't belong here. I feel like I'm a pretty patient person; but right now every drop of patience I previously possessed has been drained out of me...Natalia stood up to leave and looks at the desk, where she sees the calendar page that Maite had given me (she asked me to try and draw it if I had time...which I really wanted to do for her...) and says to me, "THIS IS NOT YOURS! YOU STOLE THIS! THIS IS MY MOTHERS!" and then she starts throwing some figting words. I told her her mom gave it to me to draw, and she told me I was a liar. She went into the hall. I closed door. In this moment, I despise these children. It's one of those days...I know that kids are kids, but I think these kids are actually monsters in the disguise of small children.  In this moment I envy all my Wake friends who get to have a Spring break and disappear to wherever they want for a week. What I wouldn't do to disappear for a week.

Sorry to blog with such a negative mood, I just gotta get my anger at those children out of me, or I just might blow up at them later...On a brighter note; it is Wednesday: what does this mean? This means that I am leaving for Bible Study in 5 minutes. I hope that I can regain some composure and motivation there today.

Hasta manana,
Rachel