Hey there!
So I was having a beautiful Friday today; (aside from still being semi-sick...which really isn't much fun at all) I woke up at 9:15 due to a coughing fit, so I showered (and put my pajamas back on) and had two cups of coffee and then watched 13 Going on 30. (wonderful life choice). And then I was going to do my art and architecture hw, but I instead turned on some upbeat songs and danced for 2 hours in my room (that's not an exaggeration). And then (I don't know why...) my mind went to a deep place, and I spent a lot of time doing some personal reflection. (This all started because I remember thinking to myself, I wish it was socially acceptable to dance like this in public...and not have people assume you're under the influence of something). And here's what I realized: I think I let myself be defined by other people and their expectations and assumptions about me. What I mean by that is that I think I live in a way to fulfill other people's assumptions about me. And for the first time I realized- I really hate that. I think sometimes it works out to be a good thing. For instance, in high school I had a lot of friends who thought I was a lot more academically accelerated than I actually was...I mean, I do think I was smart and all, but I mean I was top 40...I wasn't top 10...I wasn't even top 10%, but for some reason people thought I was way up there. I think this drove me to work harder than I might have otherwise worked, because I liked that people misjudged me and thought of me as being an academic genius.
But how does letting people having false assumptions about you really benefit you. I realized today that I think there are a lot of people who know me. But there are very very few people who actually know me for who I think I am. Why? It's because I'm living as how I am defined by others. And I decided that as of this moment- I'm completely done with that. I have spent way too much time being concerned with how others view me- because truth be told, I don't care anymore. (I mean, don't get me wrong, I do care if my friends like me and all) but if people don't like me, I'm not gonna change to fit the mold of how they think I should be. Something I love about Spain is that at times I feel like it's breaking me down, but I think I'm really becoming who I am, (I know I know maybe that sounds lame and corny- but I mean it) I don't think I'm the same person who left the states 2 months ago- but I think I'm more myself now than I was before. Because from this day on I'm defining myself. I challenge you to think about what makes you you, and try and really stick to that, and be yourself!
Wanna know what makes me me? (if not, you should probably close this window now):
1. I think the purpose of life (for myself and everyone else) is to somehow better the world...I think that is most easily accomplish-able (?) by helping other people. I do believe that helping people has a pay-it-forward effect by nature, and by just helping one person we can make a huge difference
2. I think I have a genuine ability to bring people joy, and I try to make sure that a day doesn't pass where I haven't made someone laugh. I love feeling like if even only for a second, I was able to bring someone joy
3. I'm an optimist. Also, I tend to assume the best of everyone (which sometimes doesn't work out for the best...but I'd still rather assume the best in people and be wrong than have a pessimistic view of people as a whole...)
4. I'm a very sheltered individual; which I think has had positive and negative effects on me. I think it caused me to become a semi-oblivious and naive individual to the world around me. but the positive side is that it has allowed me to have a very optimistic view of the world.
5. I forgive freely, but never really forget
6. I'm sentimental and corny, and in a lot of ways I'm immature...for instance if we want to talk about movie taste: I love Mary Kate and Ashley films, I love Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan as actresses. Disney Channel and ABC Family movies often make me cry (don't even get me started on Lifetime and Hallmark). I love romantic comedies (and I HATE crude humor), and I love teenage drama films.
7. I love people who make me laugh. I'm especially fond of puns. I always think things are way funnier than everyone else, and when I laugh so hard I stop breathing. Also, I sometimes have trouble walking and laughing at the same time. SPeaking of laughing- a weird quirk is that I laugh when I'm nervous.
8. I LOVE trying new things- as a result I feel like I can do a million things at a mediocre level, but once I reach the point of being decent, I normally quit trying to progress
9. I have the most eclectic music taste of anyone I've ever met...I'll jam out to Kesha, Elton John, Miley Cyrus, and Hillsong all in a row. My favorite music is the good 90s stuff (like legit good- Im not talking Boy Bands or Britney Spears or any of that crap...) and Taylor Swift. But I love love love dancing, and so I really will listen to anything with a beat. Anyone who knows me well knows that I sing all the time. Like really- all the time. (And I really really hate when people tell me not to sing. I feel like that's one of those things that just comes with me, so if it bothers you that I sing, then we're gonna have issues overcoming that...)
10. I like to let people know that I appreciate them. I have no problem telling people how much they mean to me and the impact they have had on my life. I also tend to thank people excessively (in their opinion, not mine) because I want them to know how genuinely grateful I am for them. I a lot of times do this in letter form, because I think that's the best way for me to express that I care. I think when we care about someone and appreciate them we should tell them or show them. And I think that not enough people do that. I don't know why people are ashamed to tell the people they love that they love them- but I hate that.
11. And lastly- I don't like everyone, but I do love everyone- What do I mean by that? There are people who aren't like us, there are people who do things or act in ways that we hate, and we just at the end of the day aren't going to be friends with them- we aren't going to like them. But I have genuine love for every human which reaches far beyond any judgments- a love which says 'I might dislike everything about you, but if you're hurting, I'm hurting. I have nothing in common with you, but if you're crying I want to comfort you. I don't know you, but if you need help, I'm here for you. I don't agree with the choices you make, but I'm sorry for what you're going through. Maybe you're a stranger, an aquaintence, or an enemy, but regardless, I want to improve your life, and I will do that by loving you'.
I think those are the things which really make me the person I am. Maybe I'll start each blog with a nice little fun fact about myself, since I did say that I don't really think anyone (even my friends and family) know me well. And what about you? What makes you you? think about it! (And feel free to let me know if you want to, cuz I'd be interested in hearing what defines you! [email: GOLDRL8@WFU.EDU])
With all the love I have in my heart,
Rachel
No comments:
Post a Comment